One year, during the winter, I had a really tough time. I tried both infusion and inpatient treatments, and neither worked. Dr. N informed me that there was a trial being conducted to see how headache patients reacted to treatment with ketamine. Since so far the results had been good, I decided to give it a try. I soon regretted my decision.
It started out fine. I was admitted to the Jefferson Gibbon building and set up in a room. I don't remember much of what occurred just before and during my stay, however. Ketamine is a very strong drug and, as it turns out, I can't handle it very well. It began with some mild hallucinations. That wasn't too bad, because it was common for me to have mild hallucinations during my stays in Methodist. However, as the amount of ketamine I received was increased, the hallucinations became more vivid and frightening. I don't remember most of them, but there are two that I do recall - that a pair of dragons were flying over my bed battling each other (which wasn't so bad) and that a very creepy doll was sitting in the corner of my room staring at me (I was not a fan of that one).
Shortly after the hallucinations increased, I began vomiting. Constantly. Every time I ate, I threw up. It was extremely unpleasant. They tried turning down the ketamine for a while, which worked, but as soon as they turned it back up, I couldn't hold down any food.
The last straw was when I became depressed. I must admit, this part is difficult to talk about. A couple of days of vivid hallucinations and constant vomiting would cause anyone to be a bit depressed, but this was extreme. I was crying inconsolably and I kept telling my mom I didn't see the point in living and that I had no purpose in life. A nurse was placed in my room to monitor me and make sure I didn't hurt myself.
I do, in fact, suffer from depression. I'm not afraid to admit it. But I am not suicidal. So it was obvious to my mom that, while what I was saying was distressing, it wasn't really me talking. It was the ketamine. Unfortunately, that didn't make it any less real. It was a very scary time and I hope I never have to feel that way again.
To be fair, ketamine has worked for many people, including another patient who was there at the same time as me. But, I want anyone who is considering ketamine treatment to be prepared for the possible side effects. Like I said, it is a very strong drug, and even low doses can mess with you. I highly suggest that if you are considering ketamine treatment, that you have someone there willing to be your advocate, for those (possible) times that you may be too sick or too high to advocate for yourself. I was very fortunate to have my mom there with me, although I am sorry she had to witness my meltdown. It's not something I would have wanted anyone to witness.
That's it for Part 6. Coming soon, Origins Part 7 (or "The Time I Sneezed On My Doctor")! I promise, it will be much more upbeat (if you couldn't tell from the title).
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